Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I have a lot of thoughts about many things.  We all have a lifetime of experiences that could be a relationship or thoughts of inspiration book.  This is my new venue for sharing me as a first wife.  "Memoirs of a First Wife" encompass feelings I have had before divorce, during the process, and after the dust cleared.  You may also want to share your thoughts and life experiences.... feel free to vent on my page, state your truths, share you advice and leave comments.

Happy Fathers Day to my son Brandon

If you're a "dad" by your love & committment to your kids and others, or a "father" by donation, devine direction, chance, or choice You are loved.  If you chose to stay connected or just passing by, you have impacted a person's life and your contribution matters. Thank you and we love you because you stayed, but if you made another choice, we love you, we forgive you and its never too late to make a difference in someone's life. Yeah Fathers !!!

My thoughts about Fathers

Just my thoughts on the matter of Fathers:... I  say Yeah Fathers!!! THERE ARE MANY GOOD MEN DOING THEIR FATHER THANG>>>THANK YOU !!! FOR STEPPING UP BEING THERE AND STAYING !!!!

Remember those who have fathered children they didnt raise arent getting a pass for that behavior...its not a good choice but they can chose it. Women who chose these men are equally responsible... for not being more cautious and being protected. Men should be responsible for their children voluntarily but there are legal steps to that process as well.  I am saying that men are people and God gives free will. Men and women (including teenagers) making a choice to be intimate and then produce children should know the consequences to those actions. Because those careless actions produce new beautiful people who will grow up and have to live with choices they didnt make.
 
I wasnt a daddy's girl but a product of a man's a choice not to stay or connect or parent.   So I understand a lot about the subject.   I was not angry or hurt although I did wonder what it would be like to have a real father in my life.  I believed he lost out, I forgave and moved on with my life.  I am saying you dont get to choose how you came into the world but GOD gives you the opportunity to take full advantage of being in the world and making your life count however you came into the world. We dont have the right to two parents.  Even though I believe it is Gods divine plan for the family and a choice I am glad my children's father made who also believed so he stayed to parent and be a father until they were grown.

As nice as it would be sometimes a person is out of your life for a reason (or a season) and God will always put you in a position to thrive and be fulfilled father or no father...Mothers have had to step up but be real also not all mothers are equipped to parent anymore then all fathers... 

God can remove a man out of your life for a reason...many men stayed in the household and became abusive to the family or neglected the family and disrespected the family...but they stayed so let us be glad and grateful for being here.  Some men leave to avoid the mother and unfortunately neglect the kids and later produce and raise more kids or someone elses kids who didnt stay to be a father....there are lots of scenarios....Let us be better as people, do better as men and women, feel the pain but forgive the sin of the action of that behavior...let God heal you, then let it go and move on...be better men and women...and Men just be good Fathers to your biological children, step children, adopted children, girlfriends children, or whom ever you choose to be a surrogate Father...


I still say Yeah Fathers!!! THERE ARE MANY GOOD MEN DOING THEIR FATHER THANG>>>THANK YOU !!! FOR STEPPING UP BEING THERE AND STAYING !!!!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

On Being a Matchmaker

I have unknowingly been a matchmaker preparing the men in my life to marry women in my life. Let me explain: after a 3 yr relationship my boyfriend broke up with me and married one of my favorite girlfriends. Thirty years later, my husband of 25 yrs divorced me and married one of my favorite girlfriends. Now I am not mad just want to get paid for services rendered.!

Marriage Vows

I love marriage, just tweak the marriage vows a little to include with the traditional love, honor, charish, sickness, health, rich, poor, etc., promise to be intimately exclusive, stop dating, texting, facebooking, calling, emailing, having coffee with anyone who is not my wife / husband.
Without boundaries and clarity then marriage is just living together with health benefits...

Things change, people change, just think about it, in friendship, relationship, family, employment and marriage....there is always change,  But we dont always update and adjust ourselves to change.  What was isnt anymore so our thought process needs to be adjusted.  Boundaries must be put in place and reevaluating the appropriatenes of certain relationships outside of the marriage is very important. There are no such things as just friends with the opposite sex.  There is something that the "other" person is bringing to our lives that bring interest and attraction and the theory behind we are just friends because you didnt have a physical relationship with that person is simply a theory.  We are attracted to other people either same sex or opposite sex because that is simply the way we are made...BUT...that is where the commitment of our marital vows, our ethics, our morals have to stand out loud and clear to set the invisible boundaries that are necessary to maintain our monogomous committed relationships.

Many times women get accused of being jealous when we bring to our significant others attention of an inappropriate relationship.  Men and women know exactly what they are doing but it is hard to admit and be honest about an outside attraction.  So we need to keep the lines of communication open and be aware of the changing signs of who we are over time during long or even brief committed relationships.  Marriages sometimes cant stand the scrutiny of reviewing what is lacking and pride an ego stand in the way of repairing or avoiding potential damage.  Miscommunication results sometimes in break ups, divorce, affairs all leading to heartache, guilty, grief, and disillusionment of life.

Sister Girlfriend Wives

We didnt need to get a divorce, he could have had another woman or women and promoted me to head wife and produced a reality show called it " sister girlfriends on the side"

I was already sharing the husbands time and attention and with so much to do in a relationship maybe an arrangement could be agreed upon.  Unsusal and unorthodoz but maybe it could say someone's marriage.  We as women assume we are the only wife in the husbands life...but there are many possible and potential wifes just waiting to get in the small spaces of the marital relationship.  I recall a friend telling me that a woman at church approached her and had the nerve to say the Lord was directing her that my friends husband was going to leave my friend and bethis other womans husband...strange enough but true and I have also recalled such statements being directed at me.