Wednesday, March 16, 2011
On Being a Matchmaker
I have unknowingly been a matchmaker preparing the men in my life to marry women in my life. Let me explain: after a 3 yr relationship my boyfriend broke up with me and married one of my favorite girlfriends. Thirty years later, my husband of 25 yrs divorced me and married one of my favorite girlfriends. Now I am not mad just want to get paid for services rendered.!
Marriage Vows
I love marriage, just tweak the marriage vows a little to include with the traditional love, honor, charish, sickness, health, rich, poor, etc., promise to be intimately exclusive, stop dating, texting, facebooking, calling, emailing, having coffee with anyone who is not my wife / husband.
Without boundaries and clarity then marriage is just living together with health benefits...
Things change, people change, just think about it, in friendship, relationship, family, employment and marriage....there is always change, But we dont always update and adjust ourselves to change. What was isnt anymore so our thought process needs to be adjusted. Boundaries must be put in place and reevaluating the appropriatenes of certain relationships outside of the marriage is very important. There are no such things as just friends with the opposite sex. There is something that the "other" person is bringing to our lives that bring interest and attraction and the theory behind we are just friends because you didnt have a physical relationship with that person is simply a theory. We are attracted to other people either same sex or opposite sex because that is simply the way we are made...BUT...that is where the commitment of our marital vows, our ethics, our morals have to stand out loud and clear to set the invisible boundaries that are necessary to maintain our monogomous committed relationships.
Many times women get accused of being jealous when we bring to our significant others attention of an inappropriate relationship. Men and women know exactly what they are doing but it is hard to admit and be honest about an outside attraction. So we need to keep the lines of communication open and be aware of the changing signs of who we are over time during long or even brief committed relationships. Marriages sometimes cant stand the scrutiny of reviewing what is lacking and pride an ego stand in the way of repairing or avoiding potential damage. Miscommunication results sometimes in break ups, divorce, affairs all leading to heartache, guilty, grief, and disillusionment of life.
Without boundaries and clarity then marriage is just living together with health benefits...
Things change, people change, just think about it, in friendship, relationship, family, employment and marriage....there is always change, But we dont always update and adjust ourselves to change. What was isnt anymore so our thought process needs to be adjusted. Boundaries must be put in place and reevaluating the appropriatenes of certain relationships outside of the marriage is very important. There are no such things as just friends with the opposite sex. There is something that the "other" person is bringing to our lives that bring interest and attraction and the theory behind we are just friends because you didnt have a physical relationship with that person is simply a theory. We are attracted to other people either same sex or opposite sex because that is simply the way we are made...BUT...that is where the commitment of our marital vows, our ethics, our morals have to stand out loud and clear to set the invisible boundaries that are necessary to maintain our monogomous committed relationships.
Many times women get accused of being jealous when we bring to our significant others attention of an inappropriate relationship. Men and women know exactly what they are doing but it is hard to admit and be honest about an outside attraction. So we need to keep the lines of communication open and be aware of the changing signs of who we are over time during long or even brief committed relationships. Marriages sometimes cant stand the scrutiny of reviewing what is lacking and pride an ego stand in the way of repairing or avoiding potential damage. Miscommunication results sometimes in break ups, divorce, affairs all leading to heartache, guilty, grief, and disillusionment of life.
Sister Girlfriend Wives
We didnt need to get a divorce, he could have had another woman or women and promoted me to head wife and produced a reality show called it " sister girlfriends on the side"
I was already sharing the husbands time and attention and with so much to do in a relationship maybe an arrangement could be agreed upon. Unsusal and unorthodoz but maybe it could say someone's marriage. We as women assume we are the only wife in the husbands life...but there are many possible and potential wifes just waiting to get in the small spaces of the marital relationship. I recall a friend telling me that a woman at church approached her and had the nerve to say the Lord was directing her that my friends husband was going to leave my friend and bethis other womans husband...strange enough but true and I have also recalled such statements being directed at me.
I was already sharing the husbands time and attention and with so much to do in a relationship maybe an arrangement could be agreed upon. Unsusal and unorthodoz but maybe it could say someone's marriage. We as women assume we are the only wife in the husbands life...but there are many possible and potential wifes just waiting to get in the small spaces of the marital relationship. I recall a friend telling me that a woman at church approached her and had the nerve to say the Lord was directing her that my friends husband was going to leave my friend and bethis other womans husband...strange enough but true and I have also recalled such statements being directed at me.
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